Christmas joy, victory over postpartum depression, and happiness.

A year has passed since William, my son's, first Christmas and it is now his second. He will get to experience Santa, Elves and the Reindeer. He will be able to appreciate the lights and sounds of the season and be aware of the magic in the air.

My husband Matthew and I are happy this is so. We're happy in general this Christmas Season. Especially me. I have many reasons to be happy this year, the biggest reason -

Our little William.

Besides being thankful for and blessed with a beautiful, perfect child to cheer us and warm out hearts, I am also thankful that I've come so far as a woman, wife and mother. And in just a year's time. I am so grateful for the peace I feel this year. 

I look back a year ago. William was about 3 months old. It was raining non-stop. It seemed like it just rained and rained and wouldn't stop. I had been battling postpartum depression since early November and on Christmas Day, I broke down.

I look back and I think how powerful this horrible disorder can be, how devastating and cruel it can be on a woman and those around her, who love her, and the new baby she's brought into the world.

However, I have always been a strong woman and it wasn't that I didn't want to be a mother and it wasn't that I didn't love my child. I loved him with all my heart and it was him that gave me strength and courage to bring myself and my mind back to normal again.

It took me a while to realize I had this disorder but once I was sure, I got it under control and I sought help.

I look back a year ago at my behavior, my sorrow, my sadness during such a beautiful time and I thank God that I had the strength to defeat it and let the beauty of motherhood conquer the depression I suffered as a new mother, during Christmas.

I thank God that I had my wonderful husband and beautiful baby to inspire me to pull through. I thank God I had family and friends to support me. I thank God for my inner strength and courage to end my postpartum depression and embrace motherhood for the beautiful journey it is.

This year, on Christmas, as everything comes full circle, I thank God again.

Deeply, I am in humble debt to Him for all the blessings He has bestowed upon me and our little family. Never in my life have I enjoyed Christmas more than this year. Never in my life, since I was a child and the magic of Christmas and Jesus touched my life and left me in excited bliss, have I felt such awe.

I feel happiness when I look at all the various Christmas lights adorning the houses of our suburb. I feel happiness when I go shopping, even with the mass amounts of crowds and cranky last-minute shoppers. I feel happiness when I sit by our Christmas tree and savor it's fresh, pine aroma. I feel happiness when I think of the Christmas cards I sent out, bound for many corners of the World, to dear friends and family. I feel happiness when I think of my friends and their families, celebrating their own personal Holidays together. I feel Happiness when I think about the gatherings we will have on Christmas Day, as a family and with extended family.

I feel Happiness when I sit with my husband and sip hot chocolate and listen to The Carpenters singing "Have yourself a Merry Little Christmas." I feel happiness baking Christmas cookies with William tugging my pants, at my feet, looking up at me with wonder in his eyes. I feel happiness thinking of many Christmas's past, of my own childhood, of my mother and father and the warm smiles they exchanged as I opened my presents from Santa.

I feel happiness when I hold my son and watch Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer. I feel happiness when I am in bed at night with my husband, his arms around me, as our house radiates warmth from the inside and glows warm from the outside, while the beautiful lights hung on our eves burn through the night.

I feel happy for so many reasons and I am grateful to God for all those reasons on this Christmas Season.

May all who read this have a blessed Christmas Season and New Year with those you love, embracing the happiness this special time of year has to offer, as you forge the memories life is made of.

Matthew, William and I wish you a Merry Christmas.
May it be bright.