Why?
Sometimes I don't understand why.
When did I stop caring? Why did I want my freedom? Why did I feel so unloved? How did it come to this?
I suppose that I'll never stop asking myself why. I would like to think I'll move on, maybe even find happiness with another. I would like to think a man will come along one day who understands I am someone who needs to be reassured constantly, who shares my dreams, who believes in true love as I do.
I am in the processes of breaking down each why and getting my head on straight. It isn't easy. Some days I don't even know what I want or who I am. Sometimes I want to go back to my husband and reunite the family we had. Other days all I want to do is flee far, far away.
I don't feel a constant peace. I wish I could because there have been times in my life when I have felt prolonged peace. I suppose that not one person has ever been consistantly at peace or content. Life is made up of ups and downs. Happiness can often come in small forms. I try and remind myself of these facts. I try and remind myself that things will get better and I have a chance at happiness again.
But the biggest why I ask myself every day...
Why do I feel so unworthy?
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Comments
Sometimes there are no answers or reasons for things and the only answer you will ever come up with is 'just because....'
Don't put yourself down, you have done the best you can in a very difficult time of your life. Just look at William and think what a wonderful little person came out of your marriage.
Concentrate on getting yourself back on your feet, go out with friends, spend some time on yourself, play with William.
Don't worry about the future that will take care of itself and if it's meant to be then it will be.
I have hope that things will get better. The only thing for sure is that I have plenty of time ahead of me - for a lot of hope.
But the biggest why I ask myself every day...
Why do I feel so unworthy?
Kristen..until the grieving process has ended you will continue to feel up and down about all of this...that's normal! The ending of a marriage is like a death...and until you can come to terms with it all ...and sort out that it was indeed the right thing to do you will continue to feel confused by the situation. Your life has been completely changed..and it's normal to question if you have done the right thing. Take the time you need to heal. Once that process is complete you will have a whole new outlook!!
I miss you. :)
I have no answers, only one word -- chocolate.
And hugs.
xo